Illinoir

Driving through Manhattan on Saturday around noon, I had the following experiences:

• Driving up 7th Ave, crossing a street, the avenue went from 4 lanes to two due to some construction business on the other side of the street. So as the cars are jostling for position to get into the two lanes on the opposite side, I allow a cab to pass me on my right so it can get past the barriers blocking off the closed lanes. I get honked at by people behind me.
• Turning right onto 32nd or 34th, there are several pedestrians crossing that street. Instead of plowing through them, I wait for them to cross. I get honked at by a person behind me who then proceeds to go around me to my left, turn right in front of me, weave through two pedestrians and head down the street. I make my turn a few moments later and pass the guy as he’s stopped halfway down the block. He made it there at least 30 seconds faster than if he’d waited for me to make my turn. Kudos to you, impatient man!
• Attempting to parallel park on 29th St, I am honked at by numerous people who have nowhere to go as the light in front of us is red. They scare me away from a perfectly good spot.
• Turning left onto FDR Drive, I again wait for pedestrians to cross the street before making the turn. Am honked at.
• Heading north on the FDR in the far left lane, there are suddenly 3 cars just stopped on the road in front of me and a 4th straddling the left lane and the middle lane. I come to a stop, hit the right turn signal and when the middle lane is clear, I start to move into it. The car behind me, however, has decided to scream on past instead of just following me on our merry way.

The best part about the FDR is that it took us to the Triboro Bridge which took us to 95 which took us the hell away from Manhattan which is absolutely the crappiest place on Earth.

Next: Why East Coasters can mostly go to hell.