Sunday afternoon, sitting in a sunny field, I found myself writing this beautiful scene:
“Oh, Barbara!” Mitch nearly swooned. “You also resemble the woman of my dreams!”
“Tell me about your dreams, Mitch,” Barbara said, taking his hands into hers.
“Well, okay. But this might sound really weird. I’m standing in a parking lot in Detroit, only I don’t know if it’s Detroit, because I’ve never really been to Detroit, you see? And it’s not really a parking lot per se, because there are all these pillars and bleachers and you couldn’t fit more than a couple cars in there. And I’m hungry, so I go up to the hotdog vendor. Did I forget to mention the hotdog vendor?”
“Umm. Yes,” Barbara said. A waiter hovered nervously nearby, ready to take their drink orders.
“There’s this hotdog vendor and he’s wearing a blonde wig and he’s shouting ‘Get your red hots here!’ just like they do in the ballpark, but I don’t know how I know that because I’ve never been to a ballpark. But I just know this guy works, or worked, at a ballpark. You know how in dreams you just know things?”
“Yes, Mitch. But I really think we should –”
“Wait, I’m not done yet. So I order a hotdog with everything on it and the vendor says that he only has pickles and daisies and I say that’s fine. So he gives me the hotdog, but I realize I don’t have any money with me. I tell him I can’t pay and he says I’ll just have to sing for my food. So I’m singing that John Cougar song? The one about Jack and Diane?”
“You mean, ‘Jack and Diane’?”
“No, no. The other one. Whatever. I’m singing, only I can’t sing too well because I’m eating, right? And the vendor’s getting really angry saying I’m cheating him out of his hard-earned food and he’s going to have me brought up on charges. So I start to run, still eating and still singing and I’m running through this field all of a sudden and I look back and I see that the entire cast of ‘Family Ties’ is chasing me and Michael J Fox is yelling at me that I stole his look. You remember that show?”
“Yes, of course, Mitch,” Barbara said. “But I really think that we ought to order –”
“Almost done. The cast is running me down. They’re everywhere and I’m running slowly, like I’m trying to run through molasses or quicksand or… or, I don’t know what. You get the picture. All of a sudden, they’re on top of me. Meredith Baxter Birney is pulling my hair and Justine Bateman is punching me in the kidneys. Even the baby. What was his name?”
“Andy. Played by Brian Bonsall.”
“Right. Even Brian Bonsall is biting my ankles. I can’t believe it! Somehow, I fight my way to my hands and knees and I’m crawling along, dragging them behind me when suddenly there’s a woman in front of me. Tall, blonde and beautiful. A vision. A savior. She waves her hands and one by one, my pursuers disappear. I stand up and take her in my arms. We kiss for a long while and then she disappears before I get a chance to ask her name or thank her.”
“That’s quite a dream, Mitch.”
“I know! And all this time, I’ve wondered who she was.” Mitch lowered his eyes. “It wasn’t until I met you that I figured it out. Barbara, you are that woman.”
“Mitch!”
“I’m serious, Barbara. I’m certain of it.”
“That’s amazing.”
“I just wanted to thank you for saving me from the cast members of ‘Family Ties.'”
“Think nothing of it,” Barbara said. “Now Mitch, can I tell you something?”
“Certainly, Barbara. Anything.”
“I think I’m falling in love with you, Mitch.”
“Oh, Barbara!”
The waiter had had enough. It was time for his smoke break anyway.