{"id":881,"date":"2011-11-28T23:25:41","date_gmt":"2011-11-29T05:25:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.illinoir.com\/wp\/?p=881"},"modified":"2011-11-28T23:30:54","modified_gmt":"2011-11-29T05:30:54","slug":"westy-drops-knowledge","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.illinoir.com\/wp\/?p=881","title":{"rendered":"Westy Drops Knowledge"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"\"<\/a>

This is, for some reason, one of my favorites. Word count: 47,502<\/p><\/div>\n

Super seriously the home stretch. 47502. <2500 words to go. A couple of dedicated writing sessions and it’s all in the bag.<\/p>\n

Here our hero figures out (with the help of his trusty sidekick, Westy) where the evil Tim Stimph has gone.<\/p>\n

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\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Where are you going next, Tim Stimph?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d I asked a photo of him that I had earlier hurled across the living room and into the kitchen. The glass in the frame had shattered, but the picture itself was undamaged. I peered deep into his beady, black, soulless eyes hoping for an answer, a sign, a clue. Nothing came to me.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Brains.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d <\/span>Was there nothing else in his bomb room?<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Not that I could see. Bomb making stuff, the banner, and more bomb making stuff. No diagrams, blueprints, or maps.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Brains.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d <\/span>Where else are there libraries?<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Well, hell, Westy, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve been a bit out of touch, you know? Three years ago, most of the libraries had already closed. There were just a few left. But they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re probably all gone by now. And anyhow, how do we know he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not just out on walkabout, seeing the sights?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Brains.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d <\/span>Well, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m at a loss.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Me too.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d I opened the refrigerator again. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Sure wish I could have a beer, even if it is just Miller Lite. God, Westy, how I loved beer. So much flavor and complexity, it rivals wine for variety of flavor, body, and character. Not Miller Lite, of course, but other beers. Better beers. Actual beer beers, you know? Stimph had good taste in everything but books and beer, apparently.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Brains.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d <\/span>We have just now recalled something that might be pertinent.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Oh yeah? And what was that? That Tim Stimph is an asshole?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Brains.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d <\/span>No, not that. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Well,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d I said, shutting the refrigerator door, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d say that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s about the most pertinent thing I can think of. What\u00e2\u20ac\u2122cha got?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Brains.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d <\/span>That woman, the human —<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Polly,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d I supplied.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Brains.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d <\/span>Polly. She said something about Stimph promising to bring her a bottle of his favorite beer. With the amount of <\/span>\u00e2\u20ac\u02dcMiller Lite\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 <\/span>in this refrigerator, would it not be a safe bet to assume that <\/span>\u00e2\u20ac\u02dcMiller Lite\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 <\/span>is Tim Stimph\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s favorite beer?<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Nobody has that much Miller Lite in their \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcfridge by accident,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d I said. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Where are you going with this?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Brains.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d <\/span>Wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t it stand to reason then that Tim Stimph is going, or has gone, to the location where this <\/span>\u00e2\u20ac\u02dcMiller Lite\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 <\/span>is produced?<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153He wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have to go to the Miller brewery just to bring her a bottle of Miller Lite. He could have just come to his refrigerator and grabbed one. He sure had plenty here.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Brains.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d <\/span>That is true. However, and please, correct us if we are wrong, but is it not somehow traditional for vacationing or travelling humans to often say that they will bring back one of (or some of) whatever it is that the place to which they are travelling is famous for? For instance, if one were to be going to Maryland, one might say, <\/span>\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I will bring you back some crabcakes.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d <\/span>Or if one were going to Detroit, one might say, <\/span>\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I will bring you back some crime, unemployment, and urban blight.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d <\/span>Therefore, if one were going to wherever it is that <\/span>\u00e2\u20ac\u02dcMiller Lite\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 <\/span>is produced, one might say, <\/span>\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I will bring you back a bottle of Miller Lite.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Good God, Westy,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d I marvelled. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re brilliant!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Brains.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d <\/span>We do what we can. Now, where is it that this <\/span>\u00e2\u20ac\u02dcMiller Lite\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 <\/span>is produced?<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Miller Lite is made by MillerCoors, LLC which is located in Chicago,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d I said.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Brains.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d <\/span>So he has not travelled far.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s just their corporate offices, I think.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Brains.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d <\/span>Then where is their production?<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Miller products are brewed in Miller Valley. Up in Cheesland. Home of the Brewers. Land of Sausage.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Brains.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d <\/span>Milwaukee?<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yep,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d I said. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Milwaukee.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n

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\n<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Super seriously the home stretch. 47502. <2500 words to go. A couple of dedicated writing sessions and it’s all in the bag. Here our hero figures out (with the help of his trusty sidekick, Westy) where the evil Tim Stimph has gone. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Where are you going next, Tim Stimph?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d I asked a photo of him […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[109],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-881","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nanowrimo"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.illinoir.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/881","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.illinoir.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.illinoir.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.illinoir.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.illinoir.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=881"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.illinoir.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/881\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.illinoir.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=881"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.illinoir.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=881"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.illinoir.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=881"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}