{"id":853,"date":"2011-11-19T17:59:06","date_gmt":"2011-11-19T23:59:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.illinoir.com\/wp\/?p=853"},"modified":"2011-11-19T17:59:25","modified_gmt":"2011-11-19T23:59:25","slug":"853","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.illinoir.com\/wp\/?p=853","title":{"rendered":"Zombie Chicken"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Word Count: 32689<\/p><\/div>\n

The line about the zombie chicken is courtesy of Erica, who has contributed more to this month’s effort than I’ve given credit for in this blog….<\/p>\n

Today’s excerpt continues the conversation with the Zombie Hunter.<\/p>\n

\n
\n

Ak was lost in thought again. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153My family, man, they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re all…\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153…dead? Zombies? What?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153What? No. They\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re all at the Oklahoma City Reanimiated Human Defense Zone Relocation Center. Mom and Dad. Wife. Kids. My cousins, aunts, uncles. Grandma. Yeah, they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re all fine. Got \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcem set up real nice, thanks to the ZH beer people and my Red Bull sponsorship. I saved Senator Pitt\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s kids from certain death during a Z outbreak in DC back in \u00e2\u20ac\u02dc16 so he owed me one. They got a big-ass house, nice car, a pool. Everythin\u00e2\u20ac\u2122.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153How come you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re not down there with them?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d I asked.<\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m a Zombie Hunter. Sorry, the Zombie Hunter,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he said. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Zombie Hunter gotta hunt. Never mind the sponsors and the contracts and the TV show, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s in my blood, son.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153TV show?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d I wondered.<\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Hell yeah, son, I got me a TV show. Realest reality show you ever seen. Cameras followin\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 me around watchin\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 me kill Zs wherever I go. Big hit. \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcCourse, God knows how many people got TVs or \u00e2\u20ac\u02dclectricity such as they can watch anymore.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

I peered out into the night, wondering if I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d missed a camera crew that had been shadowing Ak. This conversation would have been an editor\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s nightmare — long, action-free, mostly devoid of plot development or pertinent details. I felt bad for the guy.<\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Where\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the camera crew?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d I asked.<\/p>\n

Ak shook his head again. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s something else only God knows, I guess. Lost them a few days ago. Zs came outta nowhere, outta the sewers, outta everywhere. I saw a few of \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcem go down, yeah, did what I could to help, then we got split up in the chaos. Spent the last few days lookin\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 round for them, but haven\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t had any luck.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He brightened. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Say, you ain\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t seen nobody carrying a big-ass stupid camera, running around scared like a zombie chicken with its head cut off, have you?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Sorry, Ak, I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t say that I have.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t think you would have, figured you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d\u00e2\u20ac\u2122a mentioned that one already, but figured it couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t hurt to ask. Sure hope someone made it. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d really like to see the footage from that fight. Boy, I pulled some shit that night I thought I was too old to do. Was killin\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 Zs with everything I could get my hands on. Killed one Z with a pitchfork. Never held a pitchfork before in my life. No idea what a pitchfork was doin\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 in the middle of the suburbs. Just lyin\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 there on the side of the road. Pinned that Z to the wall. Got another one with a boom mike. Just grabbed it out of the sound guy\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hands, he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s still holding it out, recording, I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know, me gruntin\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 and fightin\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 and swearin\u00e2\u20ac\u2122. I just grabbed it from him, knocked a Zs head clean off with it. Smack. Plop. Dead. Good stuff.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Man, I would love to see that. Hope the cameras were still rolling.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

\u00e2\u20ac\u0153You and me both, son. That could really make the season right there.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Ak sighed at the thought of lost quality footage. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Anyhow, I interrupted again. You know me long enough you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll realize that every story you tell, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll butt in with my own thoughts each time. Bad habit of mine, I guess. The wife keeps tellin\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 me it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s something I gotta work on. I figure only thing a man\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s gotta work on these days is keepin\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 dead critters from eatin\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 his brains.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n

I laughed. Westy said, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Brains.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The line about the zombie chicken is courtesy of Erica, who has contributed more to this month’s effort than I’ve given credit for in this blog…. Today’s excerpt continues the conversation with the Zombie Hunter. Ak was lost in thought again. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153My family, man, they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re all…\u00e2\u20ac\u009d \u00e2\u20ac\u0153…dead? Zombies? What?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d \u00e2\u20ac\u0153What? No. They\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re all at the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[109],"tags":[16],"class_list":["post-853","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nanowrimo","tag-excerpt"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.illinoir.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/853","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.illinoir.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.illinoir.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.illinoir.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.illinoir.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=853"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.illinoir.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/853\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.illinoir.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=853"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.illinoir.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=853"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.illinoir.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=853"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}