Actually made Fudgie Scotch Squares today — an old family recipe (thanks, Mom!) — and though 9:30 AM is not the best time to be sampling sweets and they don’t look quite the way Mom made ’em look (i.e. nice, appetizing and delicious) they’re quite tasty. Yippie. Come on over and try one….<\/p>\n
Last night and this morning, a sheer stroke of genius:<\/p>\n
After dropping off their bags at Louis\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 apartment, Mitch and Matt hit the streets, looking for leads on Max\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s whereabouts. They visited several of Mitch\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s old friends, none of whom knew anything useful. Disheartened and discouraged, they returned to Louis\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 place.
\n“Mitch, you really ought to get a cell phone. There were about a million calls for you,” Louis said as Matt and Mitch walked through the front door.
\n“A million? Really?”
\n“Well, only three. But that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s more than my phone\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s rung all month!”
\n“Who called, Louis?”
\n“Well, the Illinois State Police called.”
\n“What did they want? Do they have Max?” Mitch asked excitedly.
\n“Actually, they called to thank you for your generous donation last year.”
\n“I didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t give to the Illinois State Police last year. Or ever. Why would I give money to them? I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m from California.”
\n“That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s what I said,” replied Louis, “but the guy insisted that you gave them money last year.”
\n“How much?” Mitch asked.
\n“How much what?”
\n“How much did I give them last year?”
\n“I asked and he said he didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have access to that information but that it said it was very generous.”
\n“It actually said that?”
\n“That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s what I said. I said, \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcYou mean to tell me that you have a sheet of paper in front of you with a name, a phone number and the words “very generous donation” on it and nothing else?\u00e2\u20ac\u2122” Louis said.
\n“What did he say?”
\n“He said that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s exactly what he had.”
\n“Sounds like a lie to me,” Mitch said.
\n“That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s what I said,” Louis replied.
\n“And what did he say to that?”
\n“He said I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d better watch myself on the state highways from now on.”
\n“Who else called?” Matt asked, exasperated by this exchange.
\n“A woman named Skinny. Or was it Sunny? Or maybe Sticky?”
\n“Was it Lisa?” Mitch asked.
\n“Yeah, that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s it!” Louis exclaimed. “Lisa Davenport. She called because she heard you were in town and wanted to have dinner with you but I reckon that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not all she wanted to have with you, you know what I mean, she had a little, you know, edge in her voice that told me she had something more on her mind.”
\n“What do you mean?”
\n“I mean it sounded like she wanted to do some really freaky bondage type stuff with you, Mitch. Some crazy stuff.”
\n“You got all that from talking to her for five minutes?” Mitch asked.
\n“Naw, I told her I was you.”
\n“You did what?”
\n“Yeah… Uhh, Mitch, we had phone sex,” Louis admitted.
\n“Louis, you promised you would stop doing that with my girlfriends,” Mitch said angrily.
\n“Sorry, cousin. She just sounded so hot…and I was so lonely.”
\n“Jesus, Louis, you need to get out more often,” Mitch said.
\n“Sounds like he doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t get out at all,” said Matt, under his breath.
\n“What was the third call?” Mitch asked.
\n“The third caller was a man named Jasper Mc Sweeney. He had some information he thought you might find very interesting,” Louis said.
\n“Really?” asked Mitch excitedly. “Does he know where Max is?”
\n“He sure does!” exclaimed Louis. “He knows the best place where you can get Max…imum return on your investment of only $19.95! That low, low price gets you in the door with Millennium Marketing. And remember, this is not a pyramid scheme, and is completely, 100% legal.”
\n“Oh Lord, Louis,” said Mitch, shaking his head sadly. “So what you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re saying is that nobody important called?”
\n“Sorry, Mitch. I just wanted to help out so badly.”
\n“It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s alright, Louis. I know you meant well.”
\nMatt looked at his watch. “We\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve got to get ready if we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re going to meet C.J. and Hobie for dinner.”
\n“You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re right,” said Mitch. “Man, I hope they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re having better luck than we are.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Actually made Fudgie Scotch Squares today — an old family recipe (thanks, Mom!) — and though 9:30 AM is not the best time to be sampling sweets and they don’t look quite the way Mom made ’em look (i.e. nice, appetizing and delicious) they’re quite tasty. Yippie. Come on over and try one…. Last night […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-585","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.illinoir.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/585","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.illinoir.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.illinoir.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.illinoir.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.illinoir.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=585"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.illinoir.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/585\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.illinoir.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=585"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.illinoir.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=585"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.illinoir.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=585"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}