{"id":371,"date":"2006-11-14T18:32:00","date_gmt":"2006-11-15T00:32:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.illinoir.com\/wp\/?p=371"},"modified":"2006-11-14T18:32:00","modified_gmt":"2006-11-15T00:32:00","slug":"more-with-the-worlds-worst-rock-band","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.illinoir.com\/wp\/?p=371","title":{"rendered":"More with the World’s Worst Rock Band"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>
Word count: 32216
Percent complete: 64.43
Estimated completion date: Nov 22<\/p>\n\n

Exiting through the kitchen again, I am stunned by the wall of sound that hits me. The rain has died down to the point that outside travel is no longer life threatening. I walk down the back stairs leaning now not against the wind but against the noise. It has a physical presence out here. I picture it as a monster with a diabolically evil face. It rears up and takes a swipe at me, forcing me to cower back in fear. I gather my wits and will and cross the yard to the garage. Struggling against the cacophony, I open the door and face my nemeses.
The band is in the middle of a cover of a Portishead song that until I hear them murder it, I am quite fond of. They look up at my entrance but do not bother to stop or even to acknowledge my presence.
I try yelling for them to stop a couple times but it is no use. The music is even louder within the confines of the garage. The band members are all wearing earplugs \u00e2\u20ac\u201c an idea I have contemplated of late. I wait for them to finish and then I speak again.
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Hey! Guys!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d I yell, the ringing in my ears causing me to speak louder than usual.
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153What?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d yells the bassist.
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Can you take the earplugs out?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153What?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he repeats.
I mime the act of removing earplugs. I never thought I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d have to do this. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Take. The. Earplugs. Out!\u00e2\u20ac\u009d
They comply. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153What do you want, dude?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d asks the singer.
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Guys. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s two in the morning. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve had a long day. I just want to go to bed. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m sure the entire neighborhood just wants to go to bed. Do you think you could call it a night?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153But we just got started,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d complains the guitarist, a sallow-faced kid of about 20.
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153We don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have to listen to this guy,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d says the singer.
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Actually, yes you do,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d I say. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You are breaking so many noise ordinances right now I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t even begin to name them. And you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re being incredibly bad neighbors.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153You think we give a shit?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m starting to think that you don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Exactly. Now get the fuck out of here.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d
I really wish I still had that gun. I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t want to shoot the kid, but I would love to scare him a little.
Actually, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d love to shoot him. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve never shot anyone before but this one seems like a prime candidate to start on.
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t think so.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d
\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Fine then, we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll just keep on practicing.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He turns to address his band mates. They replace their earplugs. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Alright, let\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s do \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcTwo Carts Full of Crap.\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 Ready? 1\u00e2\u20ac\u00a62\u00e2\u20ac\u00a63\u00e2\u20ac\u00a64\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Word count: 32216Percent complete: 64.43Estimated completion date: Nov 22 Exiting through the kitchen again, I am stunned by the wall of sound that hits me. The rain has died down to the point that outside travel is no longer life threatening. I walk down the back stairs leaning now not against the wind but against […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-371","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.illinoir.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/371","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.illinoir.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.illinoir.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.illinoir.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.illinoir.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=371"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.illinoir.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/371\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.illinoir.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=371"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.illinoir.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=371"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.illinoir.com\/wp\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=371"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}